JACKALS, SCARABS, AND FIRE, ITAI!
by The SkyWolves
Summary: In which Yami thinks that Seto Kaiba had kidnapped Jonouchi...


Kaial: Okay, I guess this is the first fanfic I'm getting up. Working on an album-fic for Dark Side of the Moon, and one about Ryou in a mental institution, and one about Ryou seducing Bakura. Aaaah! Can I not get a major fic finished? Well, a bit about me. Name? Kaial SkyWolf, aka Kai. Age? Depends on when you read this! Gender? Male, 1,000,000%, albeit 1,000,000,000,000,000...000% gay ^_______________^. And no, I'm not interested, I am 8 (infinitely) taken! YAAAY! Personality in a nutshell: Dark, morbid, psychotic, wacky warped sense of humor, VERY much of a scholar, interested in archaeology, astronomy, linguistics, art, writing (duh), manga, anime, peace, love, tolerance, INTELLIGENCE, yaoi, lemons *drool*, music older than 1985 (with a few exceptions), dragons, dueling, cats, storms, wolves, (Of course, I am a feline bipedal storm-mage with a penname of SkyWolf), dissing humans aka "humies," dancing (except ballet), music. Hates? Bugs, arachnids, loud adolescent humies, reading girl-girl or girl-guy lemons (Sorry, I can't stand hearing about females doing *that*), rapists, murderers, idiots, Barney, teletubbies, pink, neon colors (lightning blue excepted), intolerant people, people who put "s" at the end of Japanese words to make them plural (THEY DON'T PUT "S" AT THE END! TO SAY MORE THAN ONE BAKA, YOU SAY THE BAKA, THE GROUP OF BAKA, THE x amount BAKA, ETC!), people who think people from where Egypt is now, millennia ago, spoke Arabic, people who write about them speaking in Japanese (even though many of those stories are good, it's just a nitpick), headphones that don't work (THAT'S HAPPENING AS I TYPE THIS!!!!! AAAAUGH!), getting my fur dirty (It's shiny dark silver, can you blame me?), the idea that Marik is stupid enough to assume that Yami is currently the Pharaoh (THEIR CIVILIZATION WENT BYE-BYE A COUPLE MILLENNIA AGO!), the fact that on the boxes dueling decks come in, it says 'a millennia' when millennia is plural, and "a" millennIUM is a far shorter period of time than they say Yami was Pharaoh, headphones that don't work (I CAN'T HEAR THE COOLNESS OF THIS ALBUM!!!!! TO HELL WITH BAKA HEADPHONES!!!!!), the fact that many people think that, just because Yugi's nice and rather naive, that he's a little virgin-brain or incapable of anger. Have you seen him bitch out Marik? Or himself when he handed the Puzzle to Keith-slave-of-Marik? He's not as little-kid-like as many think. ^______^;;;; me shut up complaints now. SUMMARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WARNINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the most cussy fic I've ever written, and it has words that normally I'll never say. IF YOU ARE HIGHLY SENSITIVE TO MENTIONS OF PAIN, HEAR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is serious mention of genital-threatening. BIG OWIE! This also has yaoi, and mention of S/J getting *it.* Ancient Egyptian speech, translated. The little Japanese in here is not translated, so if you don't know it, then learn it! Now, the summary of my little fic! How the yami find out about Seto and Jonouchi! Please don't be offended, for if you are, then it's your own ignorant fault. Yaoi, some violence (mostly threatening), and cursing. DISCLAIMER! DAMNIT! 'NUFF SAID!  
  
Meta: Just thought i'd step in, watch the chaos, and put my own little snippet here (after all, I am the one with the internet access, posting the fics (Apologies for my laziness in doing thus, guys.) This fruitcake of a birdbrain suggests you take a seat, and enjoy the erm... Springer-ness? Nay, that doesn't exactly describe it correctly. I'm too lazy to post my personality, i'll do it later.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Neteru! Shai ban tai-a! AKH!' (Gods! My bad luck! WHY?) Bakura stumbled out of the house, shaking off a headache, pressing his temples and biting the inside of his cheek. 'Ooh, gotta stop that. Not a good idea, might break skin.' The moon was full, and he groaned. "Aah Tchehuti (Thoth)! Damn you, call off your light!" "Akh? Nima ar tched medu ra en Kemet?" (What? Who does speak the language of Kemet?) The deep voice made Bakura jump nearly out of his skin. "Aaah! Oh, only you, Aa-perti sef-t (Pharaoh of annoyance). Oh, wait. Aaah!" "Oh, shut up. What the hell are you doing here?" "You're not the ruler of the freakin' sidewalk! I could ask that of you!" "If you must know, I'm preparing to go play 'Who Wants to Gut a Billionaire?' You?" "None of your business! But okay, I'll take the bait. What did Kaiba- no-baka do this time? And, can I come? Homicide always gets me back into my normal perky mood." "You, perky? I shudder at the thought! Kaiba-khem (idiot) freaking has Jonouchi-kun!" "Anoooooo... Define 'has.'" "HE'S KIDNAPPED HIM!" "Ooohhh! THAT kind of 'has!'" Yugioh glared, and rolled crimson eyes. "And Yugi's freaking out. So am I, but Yugi doesn't go murderous when pissed." "Are you kidding? Your hikari doesn't know the meaning of pissed!" "Oh, he does, but we're wasting time. Just to let you know, I still hate your Ra-damned, festering guts, but I hate Kaiba even more right now." "Neteru. So THAT's why the dolt's been looking weird at your friend." The spike-haired being froze, then fixed a sideways glare upon the thief. "And you are now going to tell me what the fucking hell you mean, or you can kiss your ass goodbye and board a one-way barge to the Shadow Realm." Bakura sighed, and shook his head. "I can't be sure, but I think the dragon-freak's got the hots for your buddy. If so, that kid can kiss HIS ass goodbye and board a one-way barge to big time ITAI!" The ex-Pharaoh gagged, retched on the sidewalk, and began to run, all within a three-second period of time. "Hey, wait up! I'm not as adrenaline- pumped as you are, yet!" And the two dark spirits sprinted at full speed towards the Kaiba mansion. "You sure you know where you're going?" "I'm a Ra-damned thief! I DON'T GET LOST!" "Have you ever been in this part of Domino before?" "Does it matter?" "Aaaauugh! I'LL LEAD!!!" "Never mind that! I see it!" "Aw, crap." Bakura smirked as the other growled in disappointment. Shortly, they reached the massive black metal gate. Pushing the button for the intercom, Bakura tapped his toe. "Who is it?" A friendly servant's voice piped through the speaker, and both yami smirked. "Angry homicidal ancient spirits!" Their reply was just as light and cheery as the request. There was a silence, and both fought to hold back giggling. "Anoooooo, Kaiba-sama says he will see you in a moment. Please come in." The gate creaked open, and they sauntered in, wearing a pair of goofy, demented grins. Walking to the door, they stood at attention like a pair of Girl Scouts selling poison cookies. "Aw, fuck! Just a minute!" There was a loud clatter, and what sounded like an "ow, damnit!" The awaiting demons snickered nastily before the door opened, and there hovered the detested billionaire, leaning against the doorframe and nursing what appeared to be a stubbed toe. "Yeah? What do you want this late? I'm busy!" The blood-eyed beings both raised eyebrows as they saw that Kaiba only wore a pair of hastily donned boxers, with ankhs and Blue-Eyes on them. "Busy?" This was inquired in unison. "Yeah, busy. You got a problem with a guy getting laid?" Yugioh's eyes grew wide, and his grin was obliterated. He reached up and grabbed the taller man by the throat. "If you've fucking hurt Jonouchi I'm gonna fucking make you wish you never even heard of getting laid! You're gonna fucking feel like your balls have been fed to a pack of jackals, then infested with a swarm of scarabs until you're fucking PREGNANT with a giant jackal-bug! Your ass is gonna feel like the Devourer's trying to eat it from the inside out! You're gonna think locusts ate your dick and came out your ears! You're gonna- oh. Hey, Jou-kun. As I was saying, you're gonna wish each drop of your seed was a fucking fireball, it'll hurt so much, and- JOU-KUN?" The said blond was, by now, passed out on the doorstep, wearing nothing but a blanket, and Bakura began howling with laughter. "Ra, that's gotta be some of the best dick-threatening I've heard in millennia! Why the fuck did you stop?" Kaiba, his eyes wide, was an astonishing shade of green. "Ooooooooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. I am now officially going to hurl on you if you don't put me down." Immediately, the former Pharaoh dropped the CEO and backed hastily away, before Kaiba's vomit landed on his boots. When the young billionaire had emptied his stomach, he groaned. "That's gotta be the WORST way to get interrupted during a good screwing." He crawled weakly to Jonouchi, and Yami growled. "Get the fuck away from him!" With exhausted cobalt eyes, Kaiba glared. "Go fuck a crocodile. Jou- chan, are you all right?" He gently shook the unconscious boy's shoulder. "Aw, shit. Why the hell did you have to do that to him?" "Why did _I_ have to do THAT to him? You're the one who was fucking raping him!" "WHAT? Hell no! Why the hell would I rape him? Why would I need to?" "Then tell me why the hell you kidnapped him!" Bakura rolled his eyes. Neteru, he didn't need to be here. He felt like such an "innocent" bystander. Sheesh. He didn't even get to fight! "I didn't!" "Then why did he resist?" This was screamed, and Jonouchi screamed in return, though his was a bit less coherent. "What- heh? What the fuck is going on here? Oh, Kamisama! Man, my balls hurt SO DAMN MUCH!" The youth whined, and sat up. Looking dizzy, he promptly fell back, but Kaiba caught him. Curling up, the boy rested his head on the exec's shoulder. "What? What the hell? Jou-kun, come on. Let's get you out of here." Yugioh's confused expression was priceless, and Bakura wished he had a camera. Lazily, the adolescent in Kaiba's lap glanced up. "Why?" The ex-Pharaoh was clearly flustered. "Huh? Well, we've gotta, this is a bad place for you. He DID kidnap you, after all." "Kidnap? Oh, well, I guess he did. I sort of lost track and interest in the fact that originally I didn't wanna come. That sorta became unimportant when Kaiba started to hug me." Kaiba, hug? Well, that's what he was doing right now, so Bakura GUESSED it could happen. "Unimportant? WHEN THE HELL IS KIDNAPPING UNIMPORTANT?" "I dunno, when I got comfy?" Bakura chuckled at the honest response. "Come on, Pharaoh-no-baka. Let's leave these two to their weirdness." "What the hell am I going to tell Yugi? He's terrified for you!" "Anoooooooo... Just tell him I got things under control. Tell him I'm okay, and that the only problem was that you made me faint from big itai talking." "Oh, yeah, like that's gonna make him happy." "It'll make him happy to know that I'm happy, like this. Just, Yami? DON'T GO THREATENING MY SETO'S BALLS!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You were warned. You no likey? So what? YOU read it! Any flames will be used to roast the "flamers" who put gay people to shame by being so fakely girly that they are more "feminine" than any female in the Cosmos! Ugh, I HATE fakeness! 


End file.
